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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Dear Viewers,

Hahas. what a joker. ok get things straight!!! I am so gonna revive my blog after killing mine 1,2,3,4 blogs. opps. 4 blogs. i actually killed 4 of my blogs. You know, short attention span and stuff like having not enough time and yes my camp. CSSP camp. that was a total nightmare. i don't even know how i actually ended up there. IN THE EXCO. ok whatever. i totally screwed up my JC life with this camp and my studies is totally screwed. IS TOTALLY. but hey i still manage to write good chinese essays(surprisingly). hahas. i seriously should scan my essays and post it online. please don't under-estimate my ability to write ok even if i lost touched of my chinese. i actually scored 2nd in class with 43/60 for the first essay writing and the top which is.... Tay Min i think scored 44/60. come on, it's just one mark. hahas. i won't fret over it because it's just one mark babe. my objective is to maintain my momentum in chinese. sounds familiar right? yup. PW!! wth. spoiler. ok why am i spoiling my own mood. is kinda silly. ok get things straight, i got back my silly chinese essay no.2 and guess what i deprove. my marks actually fluctuated by 3 marks!! Mark my words-3 marks!40/60 oh gosh but i actually scored the same as Min. quite a achievement i guess. cause Min is very skillful in chinese people. Do not underestimate her. i repeat! hahas. oh the comment this time round is about my weak content!! ermm. was it something like a bad conclusion?? not really sure. oh gosh and after knowing my pathetic essay result, i thought i should really start polishing my skills, as in read more in a sense-newspaper?? channel 8 news?? oh god i dread watching channel 8. they produce the worse ever television programmes in the world i feel that's the whole cause of me dreading/avoiding chinese languages and shows. hahas speaking of that i have my freaking chinese oral. i am so going to screw everything up. i cannot read for nuts and there's this weird slang i am trying to rid off. oh ya speaking of the weird slang. i think i sort of irritated my friends. am i watching too much movie?? sitcoms?? oh gosh. i might as well migrate to somewhere(eg europe,america,australia) wth am i blogging here. shouldnt i be damn dumb proud that i'm a singaporean. let's decide on that issue later. back track and let's not digress from the main topic. Mr He aka He Lao Shi must be laughing at the bizarre way i was reading off that paper and i was practically skipping a word in every sentence. oh i feel like crying now cause this whole shit is so spinning in my head about me reading some shit crap for my oral. mummy is so gonna screw my whole head out.

Let just say today was a bad bad day. it was horrendous, petrifying you can say. it was antagonizing for me i swear. i was tortured mentally. it started with a bad note and ended in a bad note as expected. cause bad things come in a whole. they just keep rushing towards you i swear. and guess what-When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. i am so totally screwed up and i think i got to change lane fast before more shit starts rowing towards me. i won't wanna clean this shit.

Ok. whatever. at least i did comfort myself by going to BORDERS at wheelocks place. my source of comfort-BOOKS!! they cant talk!! so they are gonna suffer with me when i will spill out my beans and sorrow on them. but remember! they do teaches me stuff once in a while if i feel like learning. so i guess they are full of good qualities and people out there please stop giving excuses that you are damn busy with whatever like your life. get a life and start visiting the library. hey is fun reading ok. is a nice habit we should develop and that's what i have been trying to drive it into my brother's head. oh well he thinks he's smart anyway. my mum jus decided i should give him tuition because he just got his report card and guess what he flung his english and Literature. guess what. i'm stunned as in shocked, ok! you can say i was dumbfounded, fill with astonishment and perplexity. i was blown apart. how can my spastic little brother failed his english and Lit. it's so embarrassing for goodness sake. did he actually had any brain cells working or was he just dumb. i will give him the benefit of doubt although i still think that he's dumb. oh whatever.
Let's see what i've bought today at BORDERS.
-The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
-The Island ( Victoria Hislop)
-Friends, Lovers, Chocolate (Alexander McCall Smith) international best seller
-Shakespear Made Easy King Lear (Barron's)
i guess i was so excited and stuff to grab all those book home but i must always be mindful that i still have alot of Shakespears text that i've not truly decipher. Rozell's gonna kill me if i dont start working on my Lit. what's the point of scoring A1 for O's and doing badly for promos. so i am so decided to work hard and get back my As. i want my As badly.
ok let's not ponder on getting As cause i dun wanna make thing worse as if it's not bad enough. i have like a million things totally screwed up in my head waiting for my reply, i feel kind of lost too at some point of my life. Losing my love ones, friends who don't give a thought to their poor friend which is me. instead of releasing my stress they pile it on. RUB IT IN! what's wrong with my life?? i feel that the most important buddies of mine life disappearing. they mistaken me and to rub it on, they think i am a totally changed person. cracking jokes like "let's not send our children to JC next time!". shall not list down anymore of these steorotyping remarks about JC life. no ill intention though if the person who told me that actually read this. i just feel unjustified. i need to voice it out. all along JC was tough for me, i learn to juggle my studies and the camp at the same time. sleeping at 3am everyday and bloody hell wake up at 6.30am. and to add oil to the fire, school ends at 4plus till 6plus almost everyday from monday to friday. Sats and Suns are always full of disappointment as they pass in a glimsp. it's always about meeting up for projects or working on the camp. i will end up falling sick almost everyday and having gastric due to the fact that i dont eat regularly. (note: i am not anorexic). i will still try to get my ass up and crawl to school everyday because from what i know i am in Ms Noor Black List. i feel sick, but i am left with no choice. sometimes i wonder, has it got to do with time management. but when i think twice, i don't think so because the fact is i do not have the time. i need all the time in the world for everything to work out properly. i feel sick, lost and confused. should i carry on with this kind of sympathetic sadness of my current state of life. Am i oblivious to my surroundings?? must i stop to to observe and start to excogitate. i will reflect i guess. buts guess what i need to sleep. Speaking about sleeping, i feel i need to catch up with my hundreds of hours of sleeping time i've lost during the past few months. mind you! is past few months. i wanna refresh myself and get ready for my next battle. and i promise i won't be defeated easily. fight till the end and strive on. so let me end off with a cheesy quote and start blogging tomorrow again.

"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come."

Lotsa Love,
Sj Ong

A road to self realisation}