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Saturday, December 08, 2007


Just to crack you guys up :)

A road to self realisation}



Through this entry I hope that i can clear all Long standing accusation against me.

First of all, I would like to thank Valen who was the only one who made it to my farewell dinner planned by See Mun and later was took over personally by me, myself and I. I have a huge confession to make and that although I know how reality bites, I've still got to say all these stuffs that could eventually make my friendship breaks and maybe allow for someone to grow and mature in the future. I'm not some kind of preacher neither am I perfect in that sort of "practice what you preach" person but at least i try my best to fulfill what i say.

And at least I'll try not to throw a petty temper on my friend's farewell dinner which apparently someone did.

See mun, I know that i promise that I would club with you after my A's. I know that you're extremely eager to club with friends whom you can get along extremely well. I would love to. And i am very thankful as you took the extra effort to planned something for me. But i agreed to the dinner but apparently did not promise that I would be able to go clubbing. But i could understand where you were coming from. disappointment and stuff. and ta-da, that day i had to eat my ego and suffer the worst ever disappointment of my life. (and i had to suffer a hundred times of the disapointment you suffered because I turned down your idea of clubbing)

I apologise to you not once but a few times but we couldn't come to a point of agreement where you could just come for my dinner. The last dinner with your friend before he's enlisted. I am not making a big woo ha about me getting enlisted though. All those late night jogging, stuffing ourselves with those damn mac burgers, walking home to burn off that extra calories that we pile on and chatting our hearts out like some rich asses. I thought that we were supposed to be grown up adults but maybe i was wrong, terribly. All that we done seems to prove futile in maintaining a healthy friendship.

I Love you as a great friend and I must say that you're an asset to my life but through this experience i felt that i had to eat my words. I have to second guess myself. Till today i asked if I did something terribly wrong but i knew that what i did was for my own good and that clubbing with a bad health was gonna be disastrous. Maybe i haven fulfill my part as a good buddy adequately. But i have to say to See Mun, is that the best you can make yourself appear to me, a stupid guy, who look upon you so much as a great friend? At our point of life, isn't it a huge disappointment that you failed to understand me? or did I failed to make others understand and believe me? You allow your disappointment to killed your friend's farewell dinner, knowing that he probably wont be able to squeeze any time to have another dinner.

I was not even in my best form when i went for dinner that day. I was coughing all the while(Valen can be mine witness). I went for the dinner to thank you guys and decided not to be a wet blanket any further. But to my surprise only Valen and Yanting turned up. Where the hell are these people i called friends and confide in ? Someone can just freaking send a message at 6:58pm(2mins before the time we're suppose to meet) saying that they are not able to make it. And for Chiew Xuan, i wont even bother cause all I could feel was an extremely attitude girl on that day. She demanded that Yanting to leave us right away and go with her to Bedok to see her doctor. I bet you didn't see a doctor in the end and you really made me view you in a very negative light. Period. Sorry for that harsh comment and if I said anything wrong, don't take it to heart. bleah!

All these projects are driving you guys crazy and I'm praying for you guys to do well. And i must say that having a dinner with me for a mere 2hours, I am not expecting much. but at least now i learn not to expect anything from any of you guys. We can still be best of pals the next day but no one bother to apologise, only Yanting did. I could not really understand what her mind was going through though but I must say, at least she made an effort to turn up.

I just came back from KL and Indonesia and i have to fly to HongKong on Sat. I need to get my rest and get well. That was the only reason i rejected clubbing and nothing else. Shihui and Joel, I'm extremely apologetic for not being able to club on that extremely rare day that you guys could make it. Still love you guys.

I wasted that day pinning hopes on all you guys whom i called friends for as much as 4years. i cried on my way home feeling like a loser. I was never treated like this. I disallow myself from calling anyone my best friends fearing that i may suffer the same fate as that day. I never knew that people could allow their friendship to diminish as much as i try to guard it. I was too stubborn. Too stubborn to prove others wrong that there is such a thing call best friend and that i would not call my friends something such as an acquaintance. at least now i know which term i would have to use on different people.


As for Jessica, I'm very thankful for always being so positive and encouraging to SJ. Now I really appreciate you for your effort in making me happy through those sad times. I'm sure our friendship would go a long long way. And you're definitely on my speed dial list when i feel sad and emo in camp! cheer up pal and i'm sure you will do well for your new job.

For sure, this is perhaps my last entry before i head for hell. to those who still cares, you can always text me:) still love you peeps regardless of the harsh things i've said here. I just want you guys to understand how i feel. Everyone of you is an asset to my life but i aint sure if you guys feel the same way. Ouch!

Love,
SJ Ong

A road to self realisation}

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